Rosa got everyone’s attention with her loud shouting in Spanish. She wasn’t happy, as is often the case. She wanted out, out of her wheelchair and free from the restraining belt that keeps her safe from falling. I offered to take her out for a ‘walk’, and off we went, she screaming and me stopping often to let he know that I knew that she was in pain, and that I wish I could make her feel better. Strangers were giving us look. This is not working, I thought.
I cut our stroll short and brought Rosa back to her floor. She was still being very loud, and kept on pulling on her belt. What to do? The other residents were getting upset. One of the care partners pleaded for her to be patient. “I am coming soon, we will go to your room and you will be ok.” Rosa redoubled her screams.
Then came Jackie, another aide. “She wants out.” Jackie pushed Rosa to the big armchair by the window, and proceeded to unbuckle her and transfer her to the chair. She then sat down quietly next to her, and held her hand. Rosa calmed down immediately.
My point is about our natural tendency to side with the consensus, which is often at odds with the person’s reality. After the fact, and thanks to Jackie’s help, it was clear that I had failed to fully hear Rosa. In my mind, I had become convinced that she was to stay in her chair. Had I gone with Rosa’s reality, I would have followed her lead and tried to really meet her need, instead of attempting to distract her from her discomfort.
This also points to the power of caring in community, so that the responsibility of care does not fall all on one person. As care partners we can all be teachers to each other. This time I missed and Jackie showed me the way.